Overheard at My House: Father's Day
Her: With Father's Day coming up, I want to get Jim a really great gift, but he always finds his gifts before I have a chance to surprise him.Me: That's what you get for buying in advance.Her: I just...
View ArticleFictional Ad Campaigns: Metamucil
Dear Metamucil,Please call me regarding a new ad campaign I have in mind, the focus of which is targeted toward the aging Generation X population and its collective love of the Young Guns trilogy. I...
View ArticleAn Adult's Guide to Children's Entertainment
One of the most overwhelming parts of parenting or babysitting a youngster is choosing from the vast array of materials that have been created for consumers under the age of 18. Without discussing the...
View ArticleForty Five Minutes
A month after Sophie was born, I made arrangements for her to stay home with Alex for an hour so that I could go someplace and write. I'll never forget how he looked holding her tiny, sleeping body as...
View ArticleNew Mom Felony Prevention
I'll never forget the days and months when nap time was THE most important time of the day. And even though we lived then on a dirt road in a tiny mountain town, a solicitor or delivery person of some...
View ArticleYou've Waited Too Long to Potty Train When...
After April's breastfeeding frenzy post, "You Know You've Been Breastfeeding too Long When..." the clamoring for more of my child-rearing advice has reached new (and totally fictional) highs. Today, a...
View ArticleThe Dad From "Uncle"
In honor of Father's Day this weekend, here's one from the "Men are From Mars" files, and one of my favorite true stories. (Hi Wendy and Brian!)Wendy and Brian recently had their first child, and as...
View ArticleThe Roughshod Guide to Being Five
Congratulations! Now that you're almost five years old, there are all sorts of things you can do and understand for yourself. Your motor skills are now sophisticated enough to hold you in place for a...
View ArticleKindergarten Krisis
I am avoiding going to the store for school lunch fixin's. I am most decidedly dragging my feet on this, the day before the day before Sophie starts Kindergarten. I had no idea I would feel so much...
View ArticleWine Saves Lives
Today I sent Sophie on her first day of kindergarten. The whole way there, I felt like hurling. "Are you OK, Soaf?" I kept asking her. "Are you OK, honey?" She was. When it came time for her to go, she...
View ArticleSmart/Dumb Like a Fox (in Faux Fur)?
My friend Laura Benedict has lost her mind. Or has she? You may know Laura from her novels,Calling Mr. Lonely Hearts and Isabella Moon, or the anthology she edited, Surreal South, or her blog, Notes...
View ArticlePeaceful Cracker
From my forthcoming cookbook, How to Make Snacks Like a Dork, comes this little gem: Sugar Out the Yin Yang. Its origin is this...As a follow up from the My Daughter's Starting Kindergarten and I'm...
View ArticleResignation
I haven’t written anything, anything at all, in at least six months. In fact, I’m thinking about quitting writing altogether, but I have no idea who accepts these types of resignations. Perhaps this is...
View ArticleThe Taoist Mother
Just when I think there's nothing new for my mom to teach me, she reinforces the fact that, although I'm in my 40s and a mother myself, there are still deceptively simple lessons to be learned and...
View ArticleLike Pulling Teeth
Last weekend, Sophie lost her second tooth. I pulled it for her, after she had worked on it for maybe a few hours, tops. She jiggled and wiggled it through half of Where the Wild Things Are. "This...
View ArticleArt Proudly*
If I had to decide what I missed about working a real day job during my years as a home office freelancer, I would say with all certainty that it's the amenities. Sure, being able to steal office...
View ArticleA Series of Cryptic, Anonymous Messages to People You Don't Know
Dear You, Technically speaking, the question, "Can you work later than usual this week?" is a yes or no question. The fact that you chose to answer "yes" is your problem. Dear You, Sure, I feel bad...
View ArticleTaking Hopelessness to the Airport
Recently I heard the author/artist SARK talk about how it's a good idea to acknowledge the weaker parts of ourselves, and maybe even (gasp!) let them show more often than we do. She said she had gone...
View ArticleFirst Name, Second Chance
When Alex and I learned we were expecting Sophie, we had decided to surprise ourselves with the baby's gender. This of course was an invitation to anyone with a penchant for predicting to guess what...
View ArticleFirst!
Today is Sophie's first day of first grade. We've come a long way, baby! Last year at this time, I was rounding up our friends from across the street to see Sophie off on her first school bus ride. I...
View ArticleDear Papa
One night, long after bedtime, Sophie begged me to write a letter to my dad, her late grandfather. "You promised we could do it tonight," she said. I watched her take scissors to paper and tape the...
View ArticleOf Shirts and Sand
After a trip to the beach, I spare one tee shirt from the laundry and seal it up in a Ziploc bag. Each day after work, I open it up and mash my face into the cloth, smelling the sand and sea and sun....
View ArticleWednesday with Glenda
I had lunch the other day with my friend Glenda, whom I haven't seen in at least five years. That's too bad, because I like hanging out with her. She laughs in such a way that you get a...
View ArticleSkitard
Sure it's summertime now. But let's take a moment to enjoy the evergreen material that is laughing at all my wintertime mishaps. Whenever/wherever you're reading this, have an active day! It takes a...
View ArticleGreat First Dates: Achilles
"All you girls can talk about is my heel."--Achilles, at a TGIFridays, 1994, moments before buying his first Porsche
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